i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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