Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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