Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i now understand why vodka
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
