I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize