i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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