the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize