the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
