im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
