I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize