brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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