Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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