then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
