and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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