she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
