this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
