Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
