Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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