Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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