Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
