I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
