I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
