I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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