so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
