Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
