whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
