i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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