Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize