We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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