The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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