i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
