dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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