you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Say something about gay babies.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
