he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
