the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
