Yo dont text me then not text me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
