who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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