Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
