i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize