It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
