one might say we're banned from that church
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
