i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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