i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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