Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
