My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
