Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
