i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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