Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
