I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
