mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize