Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
