new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
