Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
