I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
