So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize