i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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