When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
