My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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