that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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