i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
