We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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