just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
