i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
