Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
