Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I puked a lego.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
