just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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