I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
