ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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