Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
