I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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