12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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