I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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