Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
