There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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