dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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