WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
