I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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