Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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