I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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