you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
