I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
