pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
try to milk me bitch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
