Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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