how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
