He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
