thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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