Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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