all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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