dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
