i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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