girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
In America we eat man semen.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
