Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
