No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
