I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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