apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
