so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
