i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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