dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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