i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
