I should be sponsored by Trojan
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
