What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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