I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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