Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
