I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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