Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
