She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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