omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
